Trend I Shan't Be Following

The other day, I sat on the train next to a woman who was storing her cell phone in her cleavage.

I $#!t you not.

The cell was in a bright pink cover, which was cute and coordinated well with the girl/woman's outfit. But it was nestled securely in her ample assets, which, like the phone, were on full display. (It looked something like the photo above, but her look was less sportif.)

Perhaps her cell was set on "vibrate," and she either really didn't want to miss that call or needed a little extra joy in her life. Perhaps I'm getting old, not more mature as I like to say, and this is what the kids are doing now.

I was going to run off a whole litany of why this is wrong in so many exciting and varied ways, but really, that would be redundant. If only I'd had the moxie to take a photo of her... But my own phone was, tragically old-fashionedly fuddy-duddily, in my bag.

Qué-evah, chicas.

Lists: Much "To Do" About Nothing

A big part of spring cleaning for me is going through old notebooks--checking for numbers I haven't put in my phone, scraps of ideas for stories, and other important stuff that shouldn't be shredded. As I go through these notebooks, I see a lot of to-do lists over the past few years (it's been a while since I've cleared off my desk). And I'm noticing a pattern.

One recurring theme on the lists reads, "Study [fill in language here]." For years, I've wanted to be able to speak a second language. Sometimes it's French, sometimes Spanish, and I cheated on both of them with Italian. (Ho pauro il cane: I fear the dog.) After years of putting this on to-do lists, I'll finally be able to check this one off in about six months, if I continue with my Spanish classes. Ten years if I don't.

Another pattern: obsession with my weight. There are many, many--many--lists of what I ate on any given day. I won't bore you with the guessable, carb-free details. The lists are filled with joyless food and condemnation of weights I'd kill to be at right now. But if I had to eat what's on those lists, it would kill me. So I'm letting that one go.

Ah, at last we've arrived at My Point. I think I've previously mentioned a friend's mantra of "Fix it or forget it." My variation on that theme is "Do, or don't." Part of Fabulousness in any language is skipping the future tense and using the present ("I'm doing this now") or the past ("Done!"). I have to stop making lists that say the same freakin' thing over and over. There just aren't enough trees in the world.